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STEELE CREEK --
Id never met a man who could narrate a high-dollar fortune cookie, or crack my head like a cheap one. Then I met Eric Sbarge.
Its Master Sbarge to his students, the byproduct of lineage training tracing back through some of the heavyweight names of shuai chiao, tai chi and shaolin kung fu. To my ears its a polysyllabic mess. Between his, its a lifestyle.
If you just want to learn to kick ass, there are gyms, said the head instructor at The Peaceful Dragon in Steele Creek. We have a lot more mental and spiritual capacity than we often work on cultivating.
Sbarge is as calm and contemplative a man as his surroundings suggest. Peaceful Dragon sits on 12 wooded acres, a 10,000-foot custom facility surrounded by gardens, ponds, training space. All built and maintained by students, patrons and volunteers. Its as relaxing as a place covered in broadswords, nunchucks and countless Eastern death devices can be.
The lady behind the desk tells me to relax, hell use empty hand with me. Which Im hoping means no ancient weapons slicing me into tiny reporter bits. My guess is he could take me out with a used paper towel. Hes studied martial arts for more than 30 years, written for magazines, won numerous black belt tournaments including the United Nations Open. He performed at Madison Square Garden.
This guys in the U.S. Martial Arts Hall of Fame. Know what gets me into the U.S. Martial Arts Hall of Fame? A ticket. Get this. Sbarge achieving a higher rank than his current one would require the actual loss of human life. Im not sure my mom signed the permission slip for this one. Or why my editor did.
Hey, she said, its your skull.
Well try tai chi push hands. Its a training staple, learned in seconds and perfected in a lifetime. Its the least likely contest to get me decapitated. Opponents toe a line with opposite feet, then push each other until the losers feet move. Its an action and reaction game, a push for every pull until weakness exposes itself.
What Sbarge does with physical energy, I attempt with words. He insists Peaceful Dragon students arent about comparing themselves to others, but with themselves yesterday and today. Yesterday I didnt know tai chi from chai tea. Today Im grappling with the house master. So I win, right?
Technically, Sbarge said.
My confidence lasts as long as a bowling ball bout with gravity. Im hurling toward a glass wall. So much for warm-up. My toe barely tickles the line, and Im flailing the opposite direction, like being shot with an empty T-shirt canon. Not quite sure what just happened, or where it came from, but I cant stay upright.
Its an outcome Steele Creek computer programmer Natalia Hill saw coming. Shes a bad woman. A literal kung fu fighter, and probably the only lady Ive ever called a bulldozer in print whod likely thank me for it.
Pushing people out of the ring is my preferred methodology, Hill said.
Hill began training at Peaceful Dragon more than 11 years ago. Two years ago, she entered the full contact, infinite weight division lei tai competition at the International Kuo Shu Championship in Maryland. She won it, then repeated in 2011. She also won two push hands titles. But is she any help?
No, Hill said. I havent beat him yet, so Ive got nothing there.
Rounds last 90 seconds, with two of three winning. Down several points and a dragon boatload of dignity, I catch a break. Sbarge leaves his knee a little too close. Maybe hes being generous. Maybe his yin is tired of swallowing my yang whole. I grab the knee and lift. Judge George Lu, son-in-law and Peaceful Dragon manager, allows it. Round one to Sbarge, 3-1.
I have taught thousands of students in my lifetime but few have done as well as he, said Grand Master Frank DeMaria. I have only made five master levels in my 60 years of teaching and he is one of them.
Information that wouldve been useful before I agreed to duel the dragon. DeMaria is the adopted son of late Great Grandmaster Ch'ang Tung Sheng, a champion undefeated in his lifetime. Hes among the top Chinese masters ever, in several disciplines.
My knowledge of martial arts comes entirely from a childhood of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fandom. And vague recollections of a swan kick from The Karate Kid. If a mutant turtle on a steady diet of pineapple ice cream pizza and video games can master these things, how hard can it be?
My right knee buckles. I nearly fall on my face. Sbarge barely looks at me as I topple. Hes a mid-shift librarian. Im sucking wind like tornado alley. One last break my forearm catches and anchors in his armpit. Finally, being half his age and twice his weight might matter. One super deltoid lift, another point. Round two to Sbarge, 4-1.
Not that theyll be framing my portrait atop any dojos, but maybe Master Splinter wont disown me. Literally toe-to-toe with a man whose school won 10 titles and 26 placements in the past two national championships. Who legend DeMaria calls an honor to our art.
Sbarge runs a school that ranks in the top 1 percent nationally in active students, physical size, training equipment, instructor experience, revenue and students training into advanced ranks. Yet its what he hasnt done at least since his New York youth over street hockey that boggles me.
Sbarge utilizes his tai chi and kung fu training every day, but hasnt ever had to mutilate anyone with their combat applications. Im deflated. No pickpockets in the big box parking lots, no young hooligans assaulting old women for their purses. Nearly four decades of mastery and not one Mortal Kombat moment?
Its like getting your doctorate in finance only to graduate and join a convent.
The biggest self-defense is cultivating love, Sbarge said. If you can cultivate love, you very rarely ever have to defend yourself.
Its a lesson I suppose Ill take. I more need one in how to bandage up my pride. Then again, perhaps thats exactly what Sbarge just gave me.
On Your Marks Scoreboard
Competition: Martial arts Master Eric Sbarge of Steele Creek
Contest: Best two of three rounds, tai chi push hands at The Peaceful Dragon in Steele Creek
Score: In an actual tournament, the final score wouldve been two rounds to none. Ill go with overall points, Sbarge winning 3-1 and 4-1. Final score: Sbarge 7, Marks 2.
Overall Record:Lake Wylie Pilot local talent 394.22, Marks 218.9.
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